Okay, so today started like shit.
Sep. 4th, 2019 05:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lunabee34I've got some sort of ridiculous ear infection. It started on Monday as just feeling a little congested on the left side of my head and progressed to every sound becoming a bizarre echo, and last night the tinnitus kept me awake so that by the time I had to go to work this morning, I was just done with it all. I cancelled class, went to the doctor (who saw nothing wrong with my ear--"it must be *behind* the ear drum") who gave me amoxicillin and a RX for Diflucan just in case. Cross your fingers, everyone. If this doesn't work, then I need an ENT referral.
I'm not in any pain--just pressure, muffled hearing, and the tinnitus, but it is astonishing to me how terrible this makes me feel. I've already been struggling with my vision because of the dry eyes, and now I can't hear either? And I know this is a temporary thing; something is wrong; it will get fixed. But part of me is all OMG I just have tinnitus now, and my life will suck forever. *sigh*
But then.
But then.
I got a call from my parents, and
MY DAD'S CANCER IS OFFICIALLY IN REMISSION!! HIS M-SPIKE IS ZERO! HE GETS TO RING THE BELL!
I'm so happy for him. Best case scenario, he can stop taking a bunch of the meds he's been taking, get off chemo (or maybe go once or twice a year instead of four times), and the remission could last for up to ten years. I am so hopeful.
Also, in the happy-making arena:
Stay Hungry bygloss
Star Wars
Finn/Poe
Warm and fuzzy and perfect. I wrap it around me like a blanket and tell my ear to fuck off.
forestofglory is hosting a dire pandas in Guardian challenge, and I think I might write something for it.
I feel so guilty re: Guardian. My love burned so hot and bright, and then the ending of the damn show just killed all my enthusiasm. I feel like it's been a bait-and-switch for the new circle members who showed up for the Guardian posts that turned into complete radio silence on the subject. Maybe what I need is extremely silly dire panda fic to reignite the flame. Or something. LOL
I'm not in any pain--just pressure, muffled hearing, and the tinnitus, but it is astonishing to me how terrible this makes me feel. I've already been struggling with my vision because of the dry eyes, and now I can't hear either? And I know this is a temporary thing; something is wrong; it will get fixed. But part of me is all OMG I just have tinnitus now, and my life will suck forever. *sigh*
But then.
But then.
I got a call from my parents, and
I'm so happy for him. Best case scenario, he can stop taking a bunch of the meds he's been taking, get off chemo (or maybe go once or twice a year instead of four times), and the remission could last for up to ten years. I am so hopeful.
Also, in the happy-making arena:
Stay Hungry by
glossStar Wars
Finn/Poe
Warm and fuzzy and perfect. I wrap it around me like a blanket and tell my ear to fuck off.
forestofglory is hosting a dire pandas in Guardian challenge, and I think I might write something for it.I feel so guilty re: Guardian. My love burned so hot and bright, and then the ending of the damn show just killed all my enthusiasm. I feel like it's been a bait-and-switch for the new circle members who showed up for the Guardian posts that turned into complete radio silence on the subject. Maybe what I need is extremely silly dire panda fic to reignite the flame. Or something. LOL
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Date: 2019-09-04 09:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 10:53 am (UTC)I'm so happy for him.
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Date: 2019-09-04 09:49 pm (UTC)I hope your ear gets cleared up ASAP.
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Date: 2019-09-05 10:54 am (UTC)I think after a couple doses of antibiotics, I'm starting to feel a little better.
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Date: 2019-09-04 10:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 10:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-04 10:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 10:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-04 10:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 10:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-04 10:31 pm (UTC)And i hope the ear thing clears up fast, yeesh!
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Date: 2019-09-05 10:55 am (UTC)The antibiotics seem to be having an effect, so hopefully, I'll be better in a few days.
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Date: 2019-09-04 10:46 pm (UTC)I hope your ear infection gets better super-quickly!
I loved that flashfic by
I don't think you should feel guilty at all! (I feel slightly guilty for luring you in, and then it being such a disappointment, but I'm trying to squash that reaction too. ;-)
Would it help to think of it as being like the season finale for a show like SPN or Buffy? You know -- someone or everyone is dead, but you know they'll pull something out of their sleeve and fix it at the start of the next season? Only Guardian didn't get renewed... That's pretty much how I think of it -- the fixit possibilities are legion!
But, you know -- you have to follow your fannish heart where it takes you. (Especially if it takes you to Dire Pandas!! *g*)
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Date: 2019-09-05 09:52 pm (UTC)Oh, no! You shouldn't feel guilty at all. I honestly don't know why I reacted so badly to the end of the show. I mean, as you say, everybody dies at the end of Angel, and I was totally fine with that. Maybe it was that Emma got so upset by it and so much of my fannish squee was that I got to share it with her. IDK
But you have nothing to feel guilty about. I mean, I had a blast watching most of it, and have definitely had a blast interacting with the fandom. I wrote 2 basically gen fics that got MCU shipfic amounts worth of comments. It doesn't get any better than that! \o/
I just need to jump back into it and write something (dire pandas!) since nothing ignites the love like few comments and kudos. LOL
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Date: 2019-09-04 10:55 pm (UTC)But your poor ear ))):
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Date: 2019-09-05 10:55 am (UTC)Antibiotics seem to be doing *something* so hopefully I'll be well soon.
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Date: 2019-09-04 10:57 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2019-09-04 11:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 10:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-04 11:08 pm (UTC)I hope your ear feels better soon!
And thanks for linking to my challenge.I hope it does help. I'm already really enjoying to prompts people have left. (I don't have quite the same problem with the ending -- I still love the show anyways, but I haven't reced to several friends who would otherwise enjoy it because they've had it up to here with queer tragedy and I don't want to do that to them.)
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Date: 2019-09-05 09:58 pm (UTC)Your challenge is awesome. I am going to step up to the plate and many other sports metaphors. *g*
I don't know why the ending upsets me so much, but I do know that everything leading up to that was a delight, so I want to recapture that feeling.
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Date: 2019-09-05 12:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 10:56 am (UTC)I'm so happy for dad!!
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Date: 2019-09-05 01:51 am (UTC)Buu to the ear infection! (You're the third friend of mine to mention having one within the last week. This is TOO MANY EAR INFECTIONS. >.<)
re: Guardian, I'm at the point of luring people to it...and not being sure what to say in advance about the ending, if anything. Mostly my caution has been in the form of "they were working with some really hard constraints and the fandom is a goldmine of fix-it fic???" But. The ending is hard on basically all axes. :(
In conclusion, DIRE PANDAS.
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Date: 2019-09-06 12:16 pm (UTC):)
I am so happy for my dad.
I hear you re: getting other people into the show. I don't want to spoil people, but I also want to be all, hey this thing is going to happen that you might hate. IDK how to navigate that.
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Date: 2019-09-05 01:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 10:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 10:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 03:15 am (UTC)"HUGS"
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Date: 2019-09-05 10:57 am (UTC)The antibiotics seem to be helping, so hopefully it will be a matter of days before I feel better.
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Date: 2019-09-05 05:44 am (UTC)hope the ear thing gets better soon.
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Date: 2019-09-05 10:58 am (UTC)I'm already starting to feel a little better.
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Date: 2019-09-05 06:17 am (UTC)I hope your ear clears up soon. D:
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Date: 2019-09-05 10:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 08:26 am (UTC)Don't feel guilty about Guardian, we can't help our reactions. I treat the ending as the start of a new beginning - after all they have promised to meet again and they will. Just gotta find ways of writing it. :) But if it hurts you too much, then there's no reason to make yourself suffer!
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Date: 2019-09-06 12:24 pm (UTC)I think I've got to find a way to reframe that ending as a new beginning just like you say. Somebody else in the comments mentioned Angel, and that's a good comparison. Everybody clearly dies at the end of Angel, except they don't really; there's a comics arc after, and they get to live after some convolutedness. So that's how I need to start thinking about it.
I am going to a meeting today, and I am going to write the shit out of some dire pandas during that meeting, just you watch!
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Date: 2019-09-05 09:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 10:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 11:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-06 12:05 am (UTC)And I am well on the road to getting better, thank goodness.
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Date: 2019-09-05 12:04 pm (UTC)That's wonderful news about your father!
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Date: 2019-09-06 12:06 am (UTC)I haven't had one since I was four or so, and I didn't realize you get them without them hurting. I'm sorry you've been having them. They suck. LOL
I am so happy about my dad.
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Date: 2019-09-05 01:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-06 12:07 am (UTC)I have watched this sparkle on my phone all day and been super happy.
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Date: 2019-09-05 01:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-06 12:07 am (UTC)<3
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Date: 2019-09-05 02:23 pm (UTC)And all the best to you - may the ear infection be gone soon :)
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Date: 2019-09-06 12:08 am (UTC)I'm crossing my fingers for a couple more days to 100% on the ears.