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Date: 2010-02-25 10:29 pm (UTC)THE BOYS IN QUESTION FADE AWAY
"That was bloody brilliant," Spike said, surrounded by a cloud of cigarette smoke. He tapped the ashes into the palm of his hand, the ashtray being already SRO. "Oh, I'm forgettin' me manners. Want a coffin nail?"
"No," The Immortal said. "I do not smoke aftair intaircourse, except in ze sense of ze more vulnerairable of my partners succumbing to ze effulgence of mon ineffability."
"Oi!" Spike said. "So that's where those come from!" (He'd seen t-shirts reading "I got effed by the Ineffable and all I got was this lousy t-shirt," backed with a drawing of the Colosseum.)
The Immortal nodded, his long amber tresses, the stuff of a million embossed paperback covers, rippling.
"Y'know, you sound just like the geezer in those I Need a Bloke books," Spike said. "Not that I'd know…"
The Immortal shrugged Gallicly. "Mais oui, mon petit Grand Mal. And all ze were-beasts as well. When I finish wiz her, she 'ave ze feet of roman a clef. Do you wish that I transform for you? Once you try javelina, you nevair go back."
"No, ta, and speakin' of goin' back…" Spike said, sitting up and brushing ash off his chest. "I'd best get the head—the one in the bowlin' ball bag—and go back to Hell-lay, stave off a gang war. And tell 'em about Angel…" for a moment, his eyes misted. "Not such a crap shag, finally. He'd improved a lot since that one time…"
"Yes, yes," The Immortal said. "A true champion."
At first, Spike had believed that Angel's triple lutz out of bed onto a cleverly concealed stake was a tragic copulation-related accident, of the type that might happen to Wesley. That happens more often than people think, even with the exercise of due care.
But then he realized that Angel, foreseeing the inevitability of perfect happiness after, as it were, taking the team, resolved to take one for the team.
"Were you nevair curious?" The Immortal asked. "For a century, I suborn and corrupt your women—yes, yes, I say zat as if it were a bad thing— are zey not just Ze Conduit?" And nevair you ask, why does he speak to ze minkey when ze organ grindair is in ze room?
"Or ze groom—the groom," Spike said. "Wi' time off for good conduit—naaah, o'course not. They were special, all of them. I mean, who wouldn't want Buffy? 'Er hair, 'er eyes, 'er left hook, 'er bad jokes…"
"Bad jokes? Surely zis is ze pot calling ze cauldron Sirius," The Immortal said. {{Mmmm! Sirius!}} he thought.
"I miss 'er," Spike said. "Best thing that ever happened to me, well, except for bein' vamped and getting to torture and kill without remorse." He straightened the lapels of his brand-new leather coat, then gazed for a long moment of disbelief as an unerringly aimed flaming arrow pierced his heart and turned him to dust.
"You knew I'd kill you if you tried anything," Buffy said from the doorway.
Also, does Ripper count or is he a sub-set of Giles?
There are two Buffy/B7 crossover zines, one gen (that I didn't do) and one mixed (mine!) including, e.g., Joyce/Gan and Ethan/age-reverted!Avon.